29 April 2012

Things just aren't going my way

And it's pretty much been like this all weekend.

To sum up, my laptop died yesterday.  Brainless idiot that I am, managed to spill some water on it (about a table spoon worth).  Didn't think I'd actually killed it, but ya, just my luck.  Everything gone, college assignments (one due every week for the next three weeks), all my music (which I don't even want to think about), all my photos - God knows there was so many - which kills me inside because I'm not one for posting albums on Facebook or anything, so they're all gone - so many personal albums, not to mention all the thinspo/fitspo etc.  Absolutely devastated.

I'm also thinking of dropping out of college.
I'm just so close to breaking point right now, and I just don't know how to cope anymore.  I've got too much going on right now, and I'm just not able to go it alone anymore.  I need someone, and the only person I can think of to turn to doesn't really want much to do with me......

Also found out last week that one of my college friends is 7 and a half months pregnant.  She just found out at the beginning of April, and has just started to show.  She's in my class, and my classmates are simply the worlds worst for gossip.  I really want to be happy for Mo, but I can't.  I'm jealous of the fact that she's pregnant, and she was/is able to have hers.  She didn't even know, she could have been one of those 'I went to the toilet and had a baby' girls you sometimes read about in the trash magazines.  I think she's knows how I'm feeling, or she might have some sort of an idea.  She's one of only, what, 4, maybe 5 people that I ever told about the miscarriage?  I really wish I wasn't so jealous.  I do want to be happy for her, really I do...and I was when I first heard from her, but within 2 or 3 hours of that, all the feelings from the miscarriage come flooding back, and now I have this monster on my back that I can't shake.

so ya, life sucks.

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