25 April 2012

I just can't win

I wish, just for once, that things would work out the way I want/hoped they would.

P is still avoiding me...to a certain degree.  Saw him in the college canteen last night when I was on study break with L.  We were talking by the coffee machine for ages, and I knew he was sitting close enough to see us - and to be honest, I was testing him to see if he'd call me over to talk or at least say 'hi'.  Surprisingly he did, but forced conversation is never a good thing.  He has promised to come out in a few weeks to celebrate my birthday; I'm secretly setting myself up for the let-down that he's not gonna show, and that I won't see him before Boston.

We shall see.....

There's another guy too, Niall.  He's in a friends class, and I met him at her birthday in January.  Trying to seem somewhat classier, and not as 'easy' as I really am, I wouldn't go home with him that night.  Which I thought was fair enough, considering 'he's the guy everyone hates' (even though I know I should judge him by my own standards and not anybody else's).  Anyway, I thought he'd forgotten all about me, but no.  I met him while out with some friends two weeks ago, and he was still cracking onto me - why he was still interested I don't know....I guess it was more desperation for that one night than anything else.  Again I turned him down, but then I started to think he was really interested, so maybe I should give him a chance.  So I gave him his one shot, the only chance he'll ever have with me; come out with me this Saturday night...  And so the story goes, so predictable at this point.  "Hey sorry I can't got grinds and kinda a girlfriend :/"

Wow, amazing how things can change in 10 days.  But hey, it just reinforces the fact that no guy sees me as more than a ONS.  And it hurts, it really does.  Never being told your beautiful, or having someone tell you they love you.  You get told your pretty, generally when there's alcohol involved - thank you beer goggles!

I'm just not good enough.
No matter what I do, or how hard I try,
It's just NOT  ENOUGH

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