18 December 2011






Rant about C

I know I havn't really blogged at all this month, apart from daddy having cancer.
Oh how I hate that word, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

I accidently let it slip to my housemate, C, that he has it.
Never ment for her to find out, mostly because her problems are always so much more important for us to talk about rather than mine...they're not really, she's really selfish and a major drama queen.  Her brothers marraige broke down, or she ran home 'to try and fix it', then when they did decide to get back together, she ran away home again, but this time, to try and keep them apart...because nobody in the family likes the wife.

I'm sorry C, we used to be able to talk last year, both of us.  You used to know how to listen, but now you don't.  My dad has cancer, and he will most likely die from it.  He's selling up the farm and everything because of it...clearly everything isn't ok.  I told the boy I liked him...  He told me to go for it, and I should have, but instead I tried to protect my fragile mind & heart, and told him how I really felt about him, and it actually got through to him.  But I may have ruined our friendship; lost one of  the few people in the world who makes me truely happy.  And all you can do is laugh.

You don't help me try and get over my feelings for him.  Instead you bring him up at any given opportunity-even when it's not appropriate.


I'm beginning to think you have a crush on him yourself.  You think that you are friends with him, but no.  Your not.  He's a nice guy, gives everyone and anyone the time of day...thats why he talks to you.  When he calls around to the apartment, it's to see me, not you.

You think you have it so much worse than everyone else.  You constantly run away from the pressures of the world, you have family you can rely on, and your own escape from the world.  It's easy for you.

I havn't been home in 3 months, even with finding out about daddy dearest...
Because I know I wouldn't come back to college and sit my exams if I went home.
I cry everyday, but you don't care.
You really couldn't care less.
Since April this year, I've lost my Godfather, the only Grandfather (Grandparent) I ever knew, and I lost a child
But you don't care.
If I ever bring any of it up, you literally tell me to stop talking and don't be silly.

What the hell?

Is this really what our friendship has come to?........

This post wasn't intended to be a rant about her, but clearly that's how it turned out.
Guess I just needed to get it all off my chest.

Will post about the important stuff tomorrow.

03 December 2011

my dad has cancer, and i'm a complete wreck.
i can't stop crying.
I have no one i can go to; the girls are gossips, as soon as one of them know they all will, and i could really do without the mock sympathy from them.
The boy reckons we're better off as staying just friends, because if we bring benefits into it, things will only get complicated down the line, and we possibly won't remain friends afterwards.  which is fair enough, he values our friendship over sex, and i'm more important to him than just sex....but out of all the people in the world, he's the only person i want around me right now.  out of all the shoulders to cry on, i need his...but i can't ask him for that because i'll only wind up getting emotionally attached, and as it stands i'm already in denial about how much i really do want him.

i'm just the loneliest girl in the world right now...and theres nothing i can do to fix it