29 December 2012

So I made a post a while back that has meant I've had to revert some of my posts into drafts.

The post I'm talking about included pictures of a girl I met over the summer, and there was previous posts that, if my blog was found by certain people, would definitely like it back to me.

So I've hidden my posts from the past 10 months, but it's not like there was a tone of them to begin with anyway.

I'll be posting more regularly though, because I need this.

I need this little place of my own that I can purge all my thoughts and not get judged by it.

It's what friends are for, but I don't have many of those.  I slept with my best friend a few months ago.  I thought it was going to make our friendship stronger, and he thought it was going to destroy us, so he avoided me for a month afterwards.  We got back on track after we talked about it, and I learned he had feelings for me too (he's known about my feelings for him for just over a year now).  Anyway, he told me he wanted to get in a relationship with me, but was afraid because of a past relationship.  I know what happened in this relationship, and I completely understand the boys concerns' of getting in another relationship.

Now here's the problem.  A mutual friend of ours is pretty much trying to force me and boy into a relationship, which isn't doing us any favours.  Shit hit the fan a few weeks thanks to this particular friend.  I hadn't seen the boy in 4 or 5 weeks, and she told me he had been going out with this girl for the past 3 weeks.  I didn't believe it because I've known the boy the last 3 years, and I know what he's like when it comes to relationships, and I know he wouldn't betray me like that - to make me feel all these feelings again.  The poison of those rumors made me call him out on what was going on with this other girl (I'll say it like I was actually with him).  He got pissed that I was getting involved, which I get because I did cross the line...in all fairness, despite how hard it may be to admit that, it is true.

I was heartbroken after these rumors and told myself that I wouldn't be  the one to chase after him and be the only one making an effort to save our friendship.  Basically it was down to him to apologize.   But, I caved after 2 days.  I text him to tell him that I was sorry for crossing the like, and explained that I was hurt, but he had to get that because of everything he told me.

Anyway, he's back talking to me again...of sorts.  He text me Christmas Day to wish me a happy Christmas, which really did mean a lot. I asked him if we could meet up after New Years, and he agreed.  Chats will be had but if it sorts things out, even just a little, it will be worth it.

I've been in a pattern of binge and restrict since all this happened. I've been doing the soup diet since Christmas because I ate so so much.  I don't know what my weight was when I started this current cycle of mess that I'm currently in, but I checked my weight when I came home from work today and I'm down about 4-6 lbs from where I remember last struggling to loose even a single lb.

So I've gained some control back, and things seem to be working out again.

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