11 January 2012

I had a 21st on Saturday, and the pictures have just been posted on facebook...Sweet baby Jesus, I look Horiffic!  I thought I looked good, acceptable, didn't think I'd be mortified when I saw any pictures.  How niave was I.

I don't know what I was thinking, I mean, I really should have known how bad I looked.  I would ask for the pictures to be taken down, but I know the girl won't, and she'll only be asking questions (which I could do without).

My clothes suddenly feel tighter, much tighter.  I havn't ate much today, just some fruit and vegetables.  I should have fasted.  If I had seen the pictures before, I would have.  I'll fast tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that.  Fast for as long as I physically can.
I need to get all this fat off my bones.  It makes me feel dirty, dirty to the core and working my ass off  in the gym (literally) is the only thing that will make me feel clean again.

I also kissed a guy that night.  A guy nobody likes, but was invited to the party because he's in the same class as the birthday girl.  My friends' wern't happy that I kissed him (well, he kissed me, but whatever).  On seeing the photos and knowing what I looked like, I don't what the hell he saw, what he was thinking...maybe it was a dare?  Either that, or I look amazing through drunk eyes.

Meeting one of the guys for tea tomorrow, and gonna hit the gym hard afterwards.  I really can't afford to miss a day.  Hoping this picture from Saturday will push me to carry on tomorrow.  I need to give everything I have, give it my all.  I need to work out until my legs turn to jelly cuz I've worked so hard and can barely stand.

Get rid of this disgusting fat that has taken over by body.
I need to regain control

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