I don't know why I have friends.

Went out for the college Halloween ball last night.  It was fun.  There was a girl there in the same costume as me. Awkward.  Everyone told me I looked better than she did though, and that made me feel good.  But, they must have been lying, they had to have been.

Em, I really mess up with one of the lads last night.  With P, they guy who I like as more than just a friend, but is seeing another girl (no doubt prettier and thinner than I am).  I brought up that we should have a 3some sometime, and he said that his 'lady' wouldn't be too into it.  Got me thinking that they are becoming that bit more serious.  And then what did I do??

I put a frickin cigarette out on his eyelid!

I literally burnt him, and I'm not too sure if it was out of jealousy or not.  Before I started this post, I didn't know why I did it, or what possessed me to do it...but writing it all down just now...I think I may have actually burned him because I can't be with him.  WTF?!?  Karma's gonna be a bitch getting me back...and I have a job interview today for work at Christmas time in Debenhams.  May as well assume I havn't got that job now anyway, it will be the start of it.

Brought a guy back to mine last night too...just because.  Waste of time.  He couldn't keep it up, the condoms were just falling off, and he would barely look at me after I went down on him.  What the hell?  I guess it's because I'm so revolting, and all that fat just made him want to throw up.  I have 2 pictures of one of my hot girl friends just about my bed...I bet it was her that kept him hard for the time it lasted.

It just proved the point that no guy wants a fat girl.  Fact.

In need of Thinspo

Having a fat day today, and I can't find my tape measure to figure out how much I've actually gained...but it is that Godforsaken time of the month so there will be some bloating...but nevertheless

THINSPO!!

9 October 2011

It been a long time since I've posted, or at least it feels like it has...not that it matters much, but still, it helps me.

College is pretty nuts right now.  So many assignment and group projects...and for some Godforsaken reason, I've been left to sort out all the shit for my group presentations/projects.  The guys just hands-down refuse to meet up and sort out the shit for RSS, and the two guys I'm with for Marketing Management don't get on...or at least K has a serious issue with M!  I literally have to pass messages on to M from K...when K is sitting closer to M than I am.  I seriously hate the mature students at times....(that'd be K).  I'm grateful that he's the only one on my course, but I'm raging that I got stuck with him for this project.  He's even tried to get out the the group and do it on his own....oh how I wish Ruth would just let him go.

Speaking of Ruth...I absolutely adore her!  She is the most beautiful of all my female lecturer's, and she's only 4 years older than me at most.  She's amazing, my thinspo.  The first day I saw her I was just in complete and utter awe of her.  She looks really healthy, and has the most amazing full length dark curly hair, and omg her thigh gap!!  I know a few of the girls in my class have fallen a little in love with her, we just can't stop talking about her, and how much we want to be her.  She is a true thinspiration....

Anyway, onto the food issues.......

I'm cutting my calorie intake successfully.  I don't think there has been a single day since I moved down (just over a month ago) that I've binged.  I've lost a few inches here and there.  I'm happy that my measurements are going down, but they're not low enough.  I havn't been truely disappointed with them so far as they have consistently been dropping.  It wasn't much to begin with, but slowly they're falling.  They havn't maintained from week to week either, excluding that natural bloat from Aunt Flo's monthly visit.

I feel lucky in that I can escape from my class mates at lunch times as I refuse to eat anything in the canteen for lunch, and money's pretty tight right now.  But I can tell they're getting suspicious of my weight loss, and I don't hide the fact that I'm not eating on Thursdays.  We have classes straight through 9-6, but our health promotion lecturer agreed to give us a 30 min break before her class starts every week so we can get lunch...I always skip it, and SW has started commenting on how I never eat etc.  I try and throw her off my telling her I have huge breakfasts because we don't get an hour off.  I think she just about buys it....but her suspicions will remain.  She has mentioned it to a few people too, which I'm not happy about, but what can I do.  The rest remain oblivious...mainly because they are so focused on stuffing their own faces with thousands upon thousands of calories...and for what?

Autumn Thinspo