I don't know why I have friends.

Went out for the college Halloween ball last night.  It was fun.  There was a girl there in the same costume as me. Awkward.  Everyone told me I looked better than she did though, and that made me feel good.  But, they must have been lying, they had to have been.

Em, I really mess up with one of the lads last night.  With P, they guy who I like as more than just a friend, but is seeing another girl (no doubt prettier and thinner than I am).  I brought up that we should have a 3some sometime, and he said that his 'lady' wouldn't be too into it.  Got me thinking that they are becoming that bit more serious.  And then what did I do??

I put a frickin cigarette out on his eyelid!

I literally burnt him, and I'm not too sure if it was out of jealousy or not.  Before I started this post, I didn't know why I did it, or what possessed me to do it...but writing it all down just now...I think I may have actually burned him because I can't be with him.  WTF?!?  Karma's gonna be a bitch getting me back...and I have a job interview today for work at Christmas time in Debenhams.  May as well assume I havn't got that job now anyway, it will be the start of it.

Brought a guy back to mine last night too...just because.  Waste of time.  He couldn't keep it up, the condoms were just falling off, and he would barely look at me after I went down on him.  What the hell?  I guess it's because I'm so revolting, and all that fat just made him want to throw up.  I have 2 pictures of one of my hot girl friends just about my bed...I bet it was her that kept him hard for the time it lasted.

It just proved the point that no guy wants a fat girl.  Fact.

In need of Thinspo

Having a fat day today, and I can't find my tape measure to figure out how much I've actually gained...but it is that Godforsaken time of the month so there will be some bloating...but nevertheless

THINSPO!!

9 October 2011

It been a long time since I've posted, or at least it feels like it has...not that it matters much, but still, it helps me.

College is pretty nuts right now.  So many assignment and group projects...and for some Godforsaken reason, I've been left to sort out all the shit for my group presentations/projects.  The guys just hands-down refuse to meet up and sort out the shit for RSS, and the two guys I'm with for Marketing Management don't get on...or at least K has a serious issue with M!  I literally have to pass messages on to M from K...when K is sitting closer to M than I am.  I seriously hate the mature students at times....(that'd be K).  I'm grateful that he's the only one on my course, but I'm raging that I got stuck with him for this project.  He's even tried to get out the the group and do it on his own....oh how I wish Ruth would just let him go.

Speaking of Ruth...I absolutely adore her!  She is the most beautiful of all my female lecturer's, and she's only 4 years older than me at most.  She's amazing, my thinspo.  The first day I saw her I was just in complete and utter awe of her.  She looks really healthy, and has the most amazing full length dark curly hair, and omg her thigh gap!!  I know a few of the girls in my class have fallen a little in love with her, we just can't stop talking about her, and how much we want to be her.  She is a true thinspiration....

Anyway, onto the food issues.......

I'm cutting my calorie intake successfully.  I don't think there has been a single day since I moved down (just over a month ago) that I've binged.  I've lost a few inches here and there.  I'm happy that my measurements are going down, but they're not low enough.  I havn't been truely disappointed with them so far as they have consistently been dropping.  It wasn't much to begin with, but slowly they're falling.  They havn't maintained from week to week either, excluding that natural bloat from Aunt Flo's monthly visit.

I feel lucky in that I can escape from my class mates at lunch times as I refuse to eat anything in the canteen for lunch, and money's pretty tight right now.  But I can tell they're getting suspicious of my weight loss, and I don't hide the fact that I'm not eating on Thursdays.  We have classes straight through 9-6, but our health promotion lecturer agreed to give us a 30 min break before her class starts every week so we can get lunch...I always skip it, and SW has started commenting on how I never eat etc.  I try and throw her off my telling her I have huge breakfasts because we don't get an hour off.  I think she just about buys it....but her suspicions will remain.  She has mentioned it to a few people too, which I'm not happy about, but what can I do.  The rest remain oblivious...mainly because they are so focused on stuffing their own faces with thousands upon thousands of calories...and for what?

Autumn Thinspo

So college starts back next week, so the blog will become more important again.  I know I let it slide over the summer, but posts will become daily.  I know from before that posting daily really help me keep focus.

I've already made the decision to go to the gym first thing every morning before class, and managed to rope in one of the girls because 'I need experience for Personal Training, plus I'll be your PT for FREE'.  Plan is to do weights then, from 7.30 - 8.30/8.45 and then I can do my cardio and flexibility in the evening.  I'll have to stop eating when I'm on my own too.  At least then I can lie & won't have to eat much in front of others

PS:  Who would you really rather be??

To the powers that be....


I hate everything about her, absolutely everything.  If she didn't exist then neither would I, and I'd be ok with that.


Please make her stop.


I don't want to face the never-ending humiliation anymore.


I'm growing tired and weak.


It has to stop.  Please make it stop



FACT:  You can't be fat & pretty.



Ps:  No guy wants a fat girlfriend

Ok so it's day 7 of the SGD....I must admit though, I failed on Tuesday (day 5).  I've decided to make Tuesday my day for swimming, and I want to go for at least and hour, and 450 simply isn't enough for me :(  It's an epic fail because I swore to myself at the start of it that I wouldn't go above the allowance on any given day.  Boy was I niave!  I had 600cals on Tuesday, and it seemed to be just enough.  I think I'll try and hold off on eating for as long as I can next week, at least it will stop me eating as much...I hope.

Other than that, it's gone pretty well.  I've really stepped up the whole fitness side of things, have my daily circuits, step aerobics Mondays, swimming Tuesdays, and weights in the gym on Wednesdays and Thursdays.  I'm beginning to notice the change in my body too.  My muscles are getting leaner, and I'm beginning to carry myself better as my confidence is growing.  I just can't help wonder how long this will last....the confidence I mean.

I havn't weighed in the past week; it's so hard not to!  But I'm going to try and stick to the plan and not weigh myself until the end of the month.  I have been measuring though, and those numbers have been getting smaller, so the number on the scales will have to be dropping too, it has to!

SGD Day 2

So here's the break-down, short and sweet:

Skipped breakfast  

Lunch:  Soy yogurt (90 calories) a small apple (60 calories)  

Dinner:  Stir-fry: 1/4 bell pepper (5 calories), 3 mushrooms (60 calories) and a handfull of onions (10 calories)

Calorie Limit: 300

Total Calorie Intake:  225

Calories Spared: 75

It's 5pm and I must admit I'm feeling kinda tired, and that I should probably eat something for a bit of energy, but I won't.  We were busy at work today, and that's why I'm tired.  If I really need to, I'll just go for a nap later.  I'm leaving my intake at 225, I don't want to reach 300 today

Super Size ~VS~ Super Skinny

I love this show, I really do.  What inspiration.  The episode I was watching tonight was about a 21+ stone woman and an 8.5 stone guy.  This girl ate a whopping 4,000 calories per day!!  It makes me so angry and disgusted when people do this to themselves.  I mean, is there any justification in it??

I want to be as strong as the supper skinny guys & girls.  I want to prove to myself that I too have that inner strength and will power.  There's a girls in my home town that's lost so so much weight since she started college back in September.  I swear the entire town is talking about her, and people have said nasty things to her mom about her, that she needs help and all that jazz...  But her clueless mom thinks N looks great and that she doesn't need to gain any weight.  God how I wish she was my mother!  N is my new thinspo, but she doesn't top my work pal who weighs 96 lbs.  Both these girls are just truely amazing, and I am just so lucky that I have these two real-life thinspo living in such close proximity to me.

When I first typed up this entry, it turned into more of a rant about bad parents and the effects they have on their kids, but how the kids need to break this cycle....but I don't want to post all that now, so I'll do it another time....soon.

SGD Day 1

Started the SGD today, and it's gone pretty well so far : )  It 3pm and I've had 1 soy yogurt (91cals) and an apple (90 cals).  A grand total of 181 cals!!  Dinner's going to be a little veggie stir-fry or a salad, havn't quite decided yet.  I might skip it altogether though, I don't really feel the need for dinner today.

I have been drinking a lot more water and herbal tea than I normally would everyday, and that's clearly what's curbing my appetite...  love it!  With the way things are going so far, I should be well under the 400 cal allowance today.  I'm not going to let myself go over target for even a single day this time.  I've tried this diet before and I went over a few days.  I can't let it happen again.
The daily limits are there for a reason, and I can't let myself forget that this time.
They are my goals for the next 30 days, and  I must reach my goals everyday, I have to.

y

Bring on Friday!

So I've decided to start the Skinny Girl Diet on Friday.  What with it being the 1st of July and everything, I figure it will be the ideal time to start.   I'll be taking measurements first thing Friday morning, and will be posting the results when I'm finished.  I'm not sure exactly how much I'm hoping to loose, or how many inches.  If it's pretty successful, then it will become a regular thing.  I've spent my day working out my daily exercise plans, and I'm getting excited already for the days when I will be in negative calories : )

I'm going to use tomorrow as a prep day for the diet...  May fast altogether, but I'm not fully sure.  Either that or limit at 500 calories.  I'll be working tomorrow evening, and it's stock-take day so I'll be there almost all night!  Oh the joys.... The only plus side is that I won't be eating, and only drinking peppermint tea or water.