Epic Fail

Yet another of life's major fuck-ups.  But there's nothing new there really is there?

I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore.  I just seem to be making a complete balls of it all lately, and to be honest, I can't see a way to fix it...any of it.

I've had a few exams and assignments in college in the past few weeks, and I've failed all of them bar one.  And they were all worth 40-50% of my overall grade....so ya, epic fail! Currently in 3rd year, and if I've any hope of getting into 4th year I need to get a 50% average at the end of the year (with no failed modules).  I can't see that happening...  And when my 'vision' (if that's what you want to call it) comes true, I just don't know what I'm meant to do.  Finding a job is next to impossible right now.  I've been searching for months and havn't found anything.  In a way it's a blessing though; imagine how badly I'd be failing if I had a job to worry about too!  I don't even want to think about it.

There was a repeat for management last Friday at 3; there was 10 or so people in my class who hadn't got their results before the re-sit, and of course I was one of them - and thought I'd passed it (actually failed miserably) so I didn't bother with it.  Got the result in Monday morning's class...and just for the fun of it and to make a point about it, my lecturer points out to the entire class that if "Mademoiselle was going for a job, she'd get it no problem if it was based on interviews (and interviews alone).  However, if they were exam based, she'd never have a hope in hell!  She's just not capable"

....I'm sorry but like, wtf?!  How dare you Sir!  How very dare you.

So ya, I'm stressed up to my eye-balls right now, and I just can't seem to find an escape.  I don't know what the hells going on, or what I'm meant to do about (or with) it.

Went to the library tonight to study to try and make back some of my grade at the end of the year, and the girl I was sitting with pointed out how sad I've been looking for the past few days, Not that I'd realised it or anything, but thanks, that's just what I needed to hear.

Ugh, I don't know.  I don't even know why I'm doing this post right now.  Guess I just need to let it out somewhere.

It's half-past midnight, so I'm going to fast for the day....maybe two, we'll see.  I just need to feel in control again, even if just for a day.

Measured last week, and I'd lost 2.5 inches by Sunday, which I was happy about.  Planned on re-measuring this morning, but that oh-so-wonderful time of the month happened to stop by, so I'm going to hold off for a week and then check.  I've been neglecting my legs, I know that.  Don't ask me how, but I managed to put on a inch one of my thighs...ya that's right, put on an inch on one thigh, in one week.  That shit shouldn't be allowed happen.